


To You

by Tamithna



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Agender Hange Zoë, Anal Sex, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Ereri Week, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Sex, Letters, M/M, Memories, Mild Gore, Post-Canon, Rating May Change, Swearing, Top Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-19 12:19:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4746257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamithna/pseuds/Tamithna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi recalls the first time he saw Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> First day of CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ereri-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!  
> This week will be written in a series of letters, one per chapter, one per day. They will be quite short but I still hope you enjoy it!  
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> Edit: now rated E for chapter 4.  
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_Dear Eren,_

_I’m going to be honest with you, I really don’t know what possessed me to start writing this, I just sat down, grabbed my quill and did it. This might seem silly to you, it certainly does to me, but I’m going to go with the flow._

_Anyway, I was cleaning my room earlier, sorting out old papers and cleaning all the dust (I have to keep myself busy somehow) when I found something that reminded me of when we first met._

_I was overwhelmed with nostalgia and I had to seat down for a little while, I’ll admit, while I read your file, your first file of the Scouting Legion, covered in Erwin’s elegant handwriting, the one he had before he lost his right arm._

_I remember those times, Erwin was so insecure about letting you in, even though he sounded confident that you were good to our cause. I don’t think we ever told you the details, but he fought really hard to snatch you away from the filthy Military Police. And he didn’t even know if his actions were going to bear fruit. Hell, even I was doubtful about the whole ordeal, I used to think that it would be better if we just exiled you or something._

_I recall clearly, like it was just yesterday, the first time I saw you. You had just come out of your titan form with Armin’s help, barely conscious while Mikasa seemed both ready to fight and terrified at the same time. Armin just kept close to you, looking worried and scared, even when titans began approaching you, surrounding you. I didn’t even think twice about my action, I just thrust forward and saved you._

_And you stared at me like you were seeing the sun for the first time, like I was freedom in human form._

_I was sick of it at first, I hated how you looked at me with those big ass green eyes of yours, all full of stars and hope. I wanted to shake the fuck out of you, slap you and tell you to come down to earth, I wanted to show you how bad of a person I actually was._

_But no matter what happened, you still maintained your devotion, your foolish respect for someone like me. When I had to beat you, in that goddamn shithole of a court, I felt so disgusting throughout the whole thing but I felt relieve; relieve that you would start seeing me as you should, as a person who would do anything, even if it meant injuring a 15 year old innocent boy._

_But it had the exact opposite effect, you were afraid of me, yes, I noticed how you tensed up every time I was present, how sometimes you flinched when I raised my arm, but you did not hate me. In fact, it seemed like your respect had grown even more._

_I was so pissed about this, I blamed you so hard for not hating me, that I couldn’t take it anymore, I confronted you. I demanded answers. And you just smiled._

_You smiled._

_And said that I was not at fault, you said I shouldn’t blame myself for taking orders, that I am not the terrible person I think I am and, goddamnit, at that instant you seemed so young yet so sure of your words. And still with that smile in your lips, eyes overflowing with sympathy, kindness and passion, you excused yourself, saluted and you left me._

_You know what gets me every time, even now?_

_It’s that I believed you when you said that, my mind actually changed to a “hey, maybe I’m not the piece of shit I always assume I am” state. It was such a weird feeling being told that by a kid, and it might seem stupid when I say this but it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders._

_Since that day, my whole view of you changed, I no longer minded the perfect salute you always had ready for me, nor the smiles you gave me when you thought I was feeling down. I guess I learned that you can’t judge people by the first impressions, you captivated me, and you proved to me that you were not just a mindless… admirer if you will, you truly did see something in me._

_It was probably then that my subconscious realized I would come to love you more than anything, that you would become the most important thing in my life._

 

 

_I miss you,_

_Levi Ackerman_


	2. Cleaning Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second day of CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ereri-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!  
> This is the second letter by Levi to Eren. As I previously said, this are very short and quick.  
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed! c:
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

__

_ I was thinking about you, earlier on the day, and had the most powerful urge to write to you again. The older I get, the sappier I become I guess. _

_ Remember when I used to make you clean until your legs couldn’t support you anymore? Ha, I do. I actually had fun watching you try your best just to look simultaneous disappointed and angry when I told you to redo it all. Petra used to give me such big reprimands and disapproving glances whenever I did that, she always had a soft spot for you, you know? She truly liked you, even though she had just met you. Your puppy like expressions did that to a lot of people. _

_ You had just been accepted to the Scouting Legion and I really think you were still somewhat afraid of me but that really didn’t stop you from muttering profanities under your breath, thinking I couldn’t hear that you were calling me an “asshole midget” and other worst stuff. Seriously, how does a 15 year old boy have such a colorful vocabulary? I was amazed at the time.  _

_ But, in my defense, your ass looked stunning when you were scrubbing the floors, bent over and face all flushed. To be honest, you always had a very wonderful butt, even when you were younger. I still blame myself for checking out your behind when you were still a teenager but if you think hard, that was the least severe thing I did to you when you were a kid.  _

_ Good times. _

_ In any case, I stopped telling you to clean the places twice after you started teasing me. I still don’t know how you suddenly became so comfortable around me, maybe our talk made you see that I was, indeed, human, just like you.  _

_ But I still recall how stunned and embarrassed I was when, one day, you came behind me and just casually started making short jokes as you watched me struggling to reach the top of the windowsill, in my tip toes, already standing on a stool. You smugly asked if I wanted any help but, stubborn as I was, I said no and went to pick yet another stool.  _

_ Of course it didn’t go very well, it was an accident just waiting to happen and it did. I felt the stools wiggle, scraping on the floor and I lost my balance. I knew that I was going to fall, there was nothing for me to grab onto, I was already imagining at least a broken and I swear I could already hear Hanji’s terrible mocking and laughter that it would surely accompany me for the rest of my life. Who the hell injuries themselves like that while cleaning, when your day job is slaying giant, men eating creatures? _

_ But the cold floor under my body never came. Instead, I felt strong arms around me and the next thing I knew, I was clutching to your neck, face all over your chest. _

_ You seemed a little breathless, perhaps because I’m a lot heavier than I look or for something else entirely. I just know that we stayed like that for a long time, more than it was seemingly necessary. I could hear two heart beats, mine still sped up from the scare and yours also quicker than it should have been. You had your arms around my waist, holding me tight, and I could feel your unusual warmth seeping to my body. _

_ It was, in a very weird way, nice. _

_ After a while I excused myself, thanking you in a mumble, and you made a snarky remark about me accepting help in the future. I remember I left you to clean up the rest of the room while I practically ran to my quarters.  _

_ And you really don’t know about this, because I never told you, but that night I had more trouble falling asleep than the other typical nights.  _

_ I couldn’t stop thinking about you. _

__

_ With love, _

_ Levi Ackerman _


	3. The Levi Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late but here's the third day of the CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ereri-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> This is the longest chapter so far, but it's quite short. I've also updated the tags, hope you enjoy!  
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

 

_ Hanji came by today.  _

_ They brought me those little sweets I really like, some of my favorite tea and a bit of company. I really enjoy having them here, even though I always complain that their voice is too loud, that their never ending cheerful disposition is annoying, but it brings me joy to listen to them talk for hours about how well their research is going or how Moblit is always complaining that they should be more careful. They’re officially a couple now, you know, I had never seen Hanji more embarrassed than when they told me that Moblit had finally confessed, it was quite funny and endearing. Those two are helpless. _

_ They were talking about the new breakthrough they made on the research, way too quick to me to catch a thing and I absent mindedly bit on the candy. Until they mentioned Petra’s name, for whatever reason, I’m not kidding when I say I don’t understand them when they talk so fast, and a bunch of memories came flushing down. _

_ That dreadful day at the forest of the big ass trees that seemed to mock us with their rustling leaves as we passed, the day of my first squad’s death. _

_ Petra, Auruo, Erd, Gunther, all gone in less than ten minutes. _

_ The journey back to headquarters was one of the worst things I ever experienced; I was injured, you were unconscious, Mikasa kept her head down, guilt and worry ripping through her, the rest of the young recruits, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, Historia, even Reiner and Bertholdt were shocked and their spirits crumpled. Hanji was quiet, too quiet, probably anxious to get back to the castle so they could lock themselves and just cry. Erwin had a profound crease in his brow and I knew he was heartbroken while Mike held his reins with too much force.  _

_ The damn silence was overwhelming, pushing at our shoulders, wanting to crush us onto the floor and step on us. When we finally were able to spot the castle on the horizon, relief washed over us all.  _

_ I gave my horse to one of the soldiers who were waiting for us, not able to handling the care of my horse and, limping, I accompanied you to the infirmary, alongside some of the nurses and with Mikasa and Armin glued to you. _

_ Your wounds were not severe at all, you just needed rest so you could regenerate fully, and after I got my ankle wrapped, I fled to my quarters. _

_ I have no idea how much time had passed since we had arrived. I had showered, in a desperate attempt to get rid of the grim of the day and locked myself in my room, unable to face anyone, without desire to eat or even move. I couldn’t cry, I wanted to but the tears didn’t come. Several people knocked on my door but I pretended I couldn’t hear them.  _

_ It was already dark outside when I finally got out of the room, I figured most soldiers would already be in bed by then and I wanted to check on you, I wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t in your room when I arrived and I mildly panicked, making my way through the whole castle until I found you sitting on the kitchen stairs that led to outside. I sat beside you and you looked at me and I realized you had been crying, your eyes were red and puffy. _

_ When you spoke, your voice was shaky and you said that you had come to my room earlier but that I didn’t answer. You asked how I was and when I was unable to reply, you wrapped your arm around my shoulders. I felt so small, so frail, so useless and helpless, I leaned into your touch, trying to melt into you, but I still couldn’t cry. _

_ The memories are hazy but I remember your hand in my face and you were so close, so warm and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. I don’t really know who moved first but in the next moment, your soft lips were on mine, moving slowly, so slowly and your cheeks were wet with the tears that had begun to stream down. _

_ I clung to you like my life depended on it, I kissed you like I had never kissed anyone in my life. You were surprised at first but you responded with the same fervent passion, sobs still ripping out of you in waves. It was a mess, really, neither of us had much experience on the field, it was a clash of teeth and tongues, extremely damp because of your tears but it left me feeling like someone had suddenly attached wings on my back. _

_ Our kiss broke and you pulled me down onto your lap, clumsy hands stroking my hair, like you knew I desperately needed the comfort. I think we spent the whole night like that, the pain on our backs the next morning was unbelievable but worth it. _

_ Without really any words, you had told me that it wasn’t our fault that my squad had died, that it was okay to be angry with someone else rather than ourselves. _

_ And that we were ready to fuck up whoever had done it. We were stronger than ever. _

 

_ Yours truly,  _

_ Levi Ackerman _


	4. Beyond The Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Arrives 1 day late with Starbucks* Here's the fourth day of the CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ereri-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!  
> This chapter is longer than the previous ones and it makes the rating go up! Also, I cheated a bit on the prompt, oops.  
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

 

_ Tonight I woke up with my left knee, where my leg used to be attached, hurting and a very noticeable hard on. Before you think weird shit about me, no, the two are not related, my leg hurts once in a while, the doctor called it phantom pain. _

_ The boner was, actually, very unexpected, it has been a while since I woke up in this state. I think I can blame the dream I was having before my leg started to sting and forced me to wake up. I was dreaming about you, about the first time we had sex, do you remember it? _

_ Our relationship had been great after our first kiss, after that night that we spent together in the kitchen stairs, despite all the agony constantly surrounding us. It had been very strange speaking about what had happened after it had occurred practically without talking, like we were meant to fit together. So we didn’t. _

_ We didn’t need to, I think both of us accepted that we needed each other and everything came to us naturally; the subtle touches under the table or the stolen glances and soft smiles, the quick kisses behind the other’s backs. You started spending more time with me, even if it was just sitting together while I did mountains of paper work or watch the night sky. Mikasa and Armin used to curiously eye us whenever we were together, I think they were the first ones to notice all the differences in our relationship but they didn’t say a word. After a week or so, I invited you to my room so we could sleep together and you were so flustered, I found it so cute. _

_ Weeks passed, and this routine continued. You’d sneak to my room at night and we’d lay down together, normally my head in your chest and your hands caressing my hair. After a particular rough mission or after you had to spend days in the infirmary, this nightly sessions would become more passionate, more fervent kisses, us reveling in the fact that we were still together, we were still alive. _

_ It was perfect to me, of course I had thought about sex, more times than I would care to admit, and I would sometimes have to take care of more… growing problems when I was alone. But I never told you anything, I was still feeling guilty because you were so much younger than me, I wanted to wait until you were at least a year older. _

_ Ah, that was what I had in mind, my plan was flawless until you started becoming restless, turning your back to me when we were in bed or avoiding my eyes. _

_ When I confronted you, you blurted out that you wanted to touch me in ways you had never touched anyone. Your face was so red that I think it sipped to my own cheeks and I felt them way hotter than usual. You weren’t really sure of what your desires meant, you were a military kid, without any real experience on the teenager field. So, I made a decision. _

_ When you appeared at my door that night, I was wearing only a loose shirt and underwear and your eyes became as round and big as the moon when you saw me. I told you that I was ready to be intimate if you were and that was your cue. _

_ The next moment, my back was colliding with the mattress and you were on top of me, your mouth latched to my neck, hands unsure but carefully unbuttoning my shirt. I remember that I tried to pull your top out but you were so busy kissing me that it took a while. _

_ I remember all the sensations vividly, your mouth was everywhere, my neck, ears, lips, chest and I tried to reciprocate the touches but you just wouldn’t let me. You were mumbling stuff, saying how beautiful I looked and I could hear your harsh panting. I was trying so hard to talk but you had made my brain into pudding and the only things coming out were your name, groans and whimpers. My face was on fire, I was so embarrassed to be treated like a god but it felt so good to be cherished. When you finally got slightly away, probably to breath, I could see your eyes, so bright and I made the decision that I wanted to see those forever.  _

_ You had calmed a little bit and I was finally able to rip your pants and boxers off and, goddesses, you were glorious. Your lean figure and golden skin were the most gorgeous things I ever seen, until I glanced down. _

_ I had never thought that a dick could be beautiful but you proved me wrong. It was bigger than mine, I had always been a small man, in every way, and it was standing proud, an angry red on the tip that matched your cheeks so well. Our eyes met and you asked me if I had any lube, you said you didn’t want to hurt me. Your voice was so hoarse and deep and I swear I almost came right there. _

_ I shakily pointed to the bedside table and you wasted no time. I taught you how to carefully prepare me and you were so gentle, moving your fingers slowly and I felt like I could forget everything else, the cruelty of our world and just focus on you. _

_ When you entered me, I could see stars behind my eyelids, the room was filled with moans but I didn’t know if they were mine or yours, it was like we were one. _

_ I was so oversensitive, I could feel everything, and you were so warm.  _

_ Your hand was flying over my dick and while you pushed softly into me, you had your eyes closed and you came while you said my name and it was the excuse I needed to cum too. _

_ Even now, I can feel everything I felt that night vividly and the most prominent emotion is love, I felt so much love at that time. I had to summon all my powers not to cry. _

_ You cleaned us both since I couldn’t move, I felt like I was a wet noodle, and we cuddled. We couldn’t sleep, you were probably as overwhelmed as I was and so we talked the whole night. You told me about Armin’s book and all the wonders of the world outside the dreadful walls. _

_ Giant lakes with salty water, so big that we can’t see their end, flaming water, lands made of ice, and fields of sand that spread wide, far beyond the horizon.  _

_ You said you wanted to explore them all, the surreal places that the people who came before us probably took for granted. It crossed my mind to make you the promise that I would, one day, take you to all those places. But I thought it was better to keep quiet and just let you talk, because if there was something uncertain, it was what would come the next day. _

_ I still hoped you would be able to survive long enough to see them, with Armin, Mikasa and all the others who had become your family. _

__

_ Always and forever, _

_ Levi Ackerman _


	5. Building Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fifth day of CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ereri-week.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
> We go back to a very short chapter. Also, this is incredible hasty, sorry if it's bad :c  
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

 

_ Today was a nice day.  _

_ The weather was good, the sun was shining, not too hot nor too cold either, so I decided to get out of the house. I’ve got used to walking with the help of a crutch but it doesn’t mean it’s less annoying than it was at first, that’s why I avoid going out. _

_ I stopped by that little shop that sells amazing sandwiches, got myself lunch (with a generous discount, apparently being an old military veteran has its perks and, really, everyone around here knows my face) and made my way to the peaceful park.  _

_ I munched on my chicken snack as I watched the people pass by, going from one place to another; it seems like everyone has something to do, a goal to accomplish, while I just sat there, on the cold stone bench, feeling the chilly, autumn wind on my hair.  _

_ These past few years have been lonely, despite all of Hanji’s, Armin’s and even Mikasa’s efforts to keep me company. But all of them have their own lives, they can’t just babysit the grumpy, bitter old man the whole day. I miss feeling necessary, useful, like when everyone used to rely on me, on the Scouting Legion. _

_ That’s mainly the reason why lately I have been getting lost in memories, why I resorted to writing these letters. It’s like I can grab onto them and feel something again. _

_ Fuck, I really am getting old. _

_ Do you remember how we used to watch the summer stars in between missions, while the nights were still warm, in that small clearing right outside headquarters? You used to pull me into your lap and talk for hours, about everything and nothing at all, until our eyelids started getting heavy and we knew it was time for bed. A lot of times, I ended up carrying you or you were the one taking me piggyback to our room.  _

_ On winters, we stuck to cuddling all night, just feeling each other’s warmth, sometimes drinking hot chocolate, or reading a book together. _

_ Those nights made me feel like we had a normal life, like there was not a constant danger at our doors. I spent many nights awake, while you slept quietly on my side, wondering what would be like to live with you in a peaceful world, our own small home. Maybe I would be able to have a tea shop, you would bake pastries to go along with our specialties.  _

_ It always took a lot of me not to physically slap my silly fantasies out of my head, what was the point of dreaming? _

_ You also used to have very violent nightmares, you’d wake up screaming and thrashing, sometimes crying. I would hold you until you had calm down and you just sobbed on my chest while I pat your hair, whispering reassuring words. At first, you didn’t want to tell me about your nightmares but as time passed you said that they were all of your mother, your friends, me, even Jean, as you once said with a dry chuckle, getting ripped by giant, even bigger than usual titans. You were never able to get back to sleep after these episodes so you’d ask me to talk, it didn’t have to make sense, you just wanted to hear my voice. _

_ I used to tell you stories about my younger years, I told you about Farlan’s misadventures, about how much you reminded me of Isabel, that my mom had the most beautiful singing voice, how terrified I was when I broke my first tea cup. _

_ Honestly, those were the moments when we were most intimate, we spilled our souls into the other and just hoped for the best, we certainly had gone a long way since that faithful day when we met, we had forged the best and most magnificent trust that had ever existed. _

__

_ Eternally Yours, _

_ Levi Ackerman _


	6. Monsters & Heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh, I'm so late! Sixth day of CanonVerse [ereri-week](http://ererievents.tumblr.com/) on tumblr that, by the way, is now called ererievents c:  
> Again, it's a very short chapter, sorry, but life's been very busy. It's also a bit hasty but I hope it makes sense?  
> Oh, and thank you so much for all the cute comments and kudos <3
> 
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

 

_ Everyone used to call you a monster. _

_ People were afraid of you, they wanted you gone and the Military Police was always looking for an excuse to get their grimy hands on you, to experiment, to dissect you. _

_ I can’t even begin to imagine the toll that had on the mental health of a boy, the commentaries, the disgusted looks.  _

_ But you were always so strong. _

_ They began to call you a hero after all your great deeds for the Scouting Legion, for humanity. They praised everything you did, the gazes you got were not ones of repulse nor fright but admiration. _

_ Everyone wanted to get their filthy hands on you, to touch Humanities’ Last Hope, the hypocrisy was revolting. _

_ But you were always so strong. _

_ They called me a hero, Humanities’ Strongest soldier and everyone wanted to get a look at me, they used to wait for me on the streets, for a chance to praise me. _

_ I did not like the attention, because I was nothing more than a pawn, someone who had lost everything and everyone and had nothing to lose. Someone who had seen his only friends and family dead just because of empty promises of a better life. _

_ And I was not strong. _

_ There were days when I had to hide, the feelings I had to fight down. I wanted nothing more than to bash heads against stone walls, I was so mad. I adopted a disgusted expression and kept my distance. People did not like this, they wanted me to be their circus animal. _

_ People began calling me a monster. _

_ They said that I was nothing more than Erwin’s pet, a person who even ran away from the nice people who tried to compliment me. Rumors began circulating, that I had been a thug and that I killed people for a living. That I only slayed titans to keep myself from hurting others, that I only had achieved my position in the Scouting Legion by sucking Erwin’s cock. They wanted someone to blame for their own pain and disappointment. _

_ And I was not strong. _

_ My point is, what is the difference between a hero and a monster? _

_ What separates one from the other if a monster can suddenly become a hero and a hero become a monster at the eyes of the people? _

_ Nothing, nothing at all.You see, one is never free from the other.  _

_ To be a hero, you have to do things only a monster would do, you have to close your eyes at the some of the shit you make, all to profit the greater good. And everyone will turn their back to them as well and pretend they never happened. _

_ And a monster, a monster can have the heart of a thousand heroes but no one will ever notice, they will never acknowledge the good because it only benefits them to see the bad. _

_ Ah, you know I’m bad with words, I think what I’m trying to say is that you’ll never be free from other’s judgment, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, you’ll always be at the hands of how other people see you. _

_ You are not a monster, you never were one.You are not a hero either and you’ll never be one. _

_ But it’s okay because you are your own person, you are yourself. _

_ And that’s something no one will ever take from you. _

__

_ Levi Ackerman _


	7. Wings Of Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sobs* I’m so incredibly late, oh my god, here’s the final day of canonverse ereriweek by [ererievents](http://ererievents.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Longest chapter of the entire fic, I’m not entirely happy with it but meh, if I re-read it one more time I’ll go insane.
> 
> Also, I’m sorry. 
> 
> As always, any feedback is appreciated and kudos&comments are very welcomed.
> 
> (This is unbeta’d so if there’s any mistake please let me know.)

_ Dear Eren, _

 

_ You died on my arms. _

_ I watched as the brightest pair of eyes I had ever seen lost their light, turning dull and unfocused.  _

_ The titans had come from nowhere, at least six of them, all ranging from eight to fourteen meters. We had lost the rest of the formation earlier on an ambush, both by titans and those people from beyond the walls. Erwin had said it was better to divide ourselves and not engage them in a fight, he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary bloodshed, he order us to just run away.  _

_ You were reluctant at first, to leave your sister and the rest of the soldiers, but Jean gave you a confident nod as he steered his horse, Connie and Sasha quickly following him to the right, as Mikasa, Armin and Ymir kept going straight. _

_ You, me, Hanji and Erwin went to the left, encouraging our horses to go even faster, and apparently it worked. After a kilometer or two of non-stop riding, it was obvious that our attackers had not followed us and we got to a clearing that seemed safe and we dismounted to give the horses a rest and drink some water. _

_ You came running to me, asking if I was okay, and I was still so startled that I buried my head on your shoulders and you held me tightly. I still remember Hanji’s amused yet fond expression and Erwin trying really hard not to look at us. _

_ And then they came. _

_ The ground was shaking with their heavy footsteps and they were already so close, too close, we never saw them coming. I grasped your arms so hard, I was terrified and you seemed so angry and shocked. _

_ Hanji was the first one to react, they immediately fired their maneuvering gear and took down one of the smallest titans. Their action seemed to stir us all and we began prepping to battle, Erwin signaled he would go to the closer one, a thirteen meters and both of us scrambled to get to the rest of the titans. _

_ It was fairly easy to slay them all and a sense of relief washed over us all until another two came out of the trees. I heard Hanji whisper “abnormals” when neither of them attacked us right away. They started walking slowly, one of them chasing me and the other directed at Erwin, completely ignoring you or Hanji. _

_ They were fast, incredibly faster than any other titan we had ever seen except Ymir’s “dancing titan”.  _

_ I was having difficulty shaking it off, it kept trying to squash me with its huge hands and I was unable to set course to its neck. You kept trying to distract it but it was solely focused on me. With the corner of my eye I saw Erwin and Hanji having the same troubles and got distracted for a mere second. _

_ The second that ruined it all. _

_ The titan got hold of my inactivity and lifted its foot, preparing to step on me and I didn’t have enough time to get out of the way. I could feel my heartbeat accelerating and my mind was telling me to proper for certain death, I closed my eyes. _

_ Until I felt someone push me hard to the side. _

_ Whenever there’s too much silence in my house, I can still hear the sound of your bones being crushed and you screaming in pain. _

_ I don’t know exactly what happened next. _

_ I ran to you, not caring about the titan who was trying to kill me, I just ignored it, throwing my blades to the floor. I had no rational notion of my crying but I could feel the tears running down my cheeks, their warmth mocking the coldness of the entire situation. _

_ I dropped to my knees next to you and barely caught sight of the titan falling down behind us, Hanji had managed to kill it, and they were looking so worried, blades dripping blood on the grass. At the time, I didn’t even remember about Erwin or the other titan. _

_ You were very mangled, bones peeking out in some places and blood everywhere but your regenerating skills had already kicked in and you were still alive. _

_ I was afraid to touch you, I didn’t want to hurt you even more so I stayed there, not knowing what to do, on my knees, feeling the wetness on my face. _

_ You seemed in so much agony, oh Eren, your expression was so pitiful but you were trying so hard to hide it. I saw you move your arm, slowly, towards me, like you wanted me to hold your hand and I grabbed it delicately, seeing you wince in pain, your eyes trained on me. _

_ And you smiled. _

_ You smiled like nothing was wrong at all, like everything would be okay. You were trying to talk but only a soft murmur was coming out your lips so I got closer to you and your other hand caressed my cheek. _

_ You were mumbling stuff, “tell everyone I love them” and “take care of Armin and Mikasa for me” and I cried even harder, I was sobbing, begging your regeneration skills to go faster, and you whispered a soft “hey, it’s okay”. _

_ “I love you more than anything Levi, please don’t be sad.” _

_ “I’m free now, it’s going to be okay.” _

_ “I’m free.” _

_ The grip in my hand disappeared and your eyes were empty, the green looking cloudy and I was so lost, I did not know what to do. _

_ I heard footsteps and Hanji knelt down in front of me, closing your eyes with their hand, looking as much heartbroken as I was. Erwin suddenly appeared behind me, left hand gripping my shoulder tightly. He spoke softly, saying we had to go, that it was dangerous there. Hanji and Erwin practically carried me out of there, I felt boneless, like I had no control of my own body. _

_ We managed to get to HQ safely, and I locked myself in my quarters, I did not know how to face the others. _

_ The next days were living hell. _

_ I did not eat and I ignored every knock on my door. Eventually I got so weak that I was unable to even cry so I just laid there in my bed that still smelled like you, wanting to just stop breathing. _

_ I don’t know how many days passed until someone broke down my door.  _

_ Literally. _

_ I only had time to turn around before someone punched me square in the jaw. Mikasa was standing there, anger all over her face but with tears burning her eyes. Armin was at the doorway looking worried with Erwin on his side and I’m sure the whole SC was standing behind him as well. _

_ I didn’t know how to react, I was shocked and Mikasa started talking, yelling actually, telling me that it had not been my fault, that I should stop feeling sorry for myself, to take my ass out of the room, to fucking shower and to stand tall, that we would avenge you. _

_ She pulled me in an embrace so snug that I could barely breathe and I hugged her back. More people came and I felt hands stroking my hair and heard sobbing all over the room, I could hear Armin whispering assurances and Erwin telling us to fight, Jean swearing to punish those responsible for your death, Sasha crying so much that Connie had to held her. Among Mikasa’s dark hair, I could see Ymir leaning down on the wall next to Historia, both of them with such pure rage on their faces. _

_ And I knew. _

_ I knew we would be ending this war once and for all, we had more determination in us than we had in years. And I was not alone. _

_ More years passed, sacrifices were made but Hanji had made enormous breakthroughs on their research, breakthroughs that would allow us to become more powerful and more knowledgeable. _

_ The final battle came, it was kill or die and we chose to merciless kill leading to our success, years of preparation paying off. Nevertheless hundreds died and I was lucky, I only lost my leg. _

_ Humanity was finally victorious. _

_ Today, I look out of my window and I see the ocean, even more beautiful as you described it. There is a small hill in front of the sea and a tombstone with your name was placed there, facing the ocean. It was actually Hanji’s idea but we all wordlessly agreed. There’s also a small memorial honoring all the soldiers who died or got injured for our freedom. My name is also there, although I tried to convince Erwin not to include it. _

_ You’ll be happy to know that Armin is now an explorer and Mikasa accompanies him to every place he goes. All of the others also settled down, opening shops or studying the animals and plants. _

_ We have the seemingly perfect life but there’s an ache in everyone’s heart because you are not with us. I count the days for our reunion. _

_ I miss you so much Eren, so much. _

__

_ Until we meet again, _

_ Levi Ackerman _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense, I never said that Eren was dead but I never say he was alive either.  
> Short timeline: when Eren dies, he's 21 years old and the final battle occurs five years after his death. Assuming Levi is 34 on canon, he's 45 as he writes these letters and Eren would be 26.  
> Also, these letters are meant to be a coping mechanism of some sort, to give Levi a kind of closure feeling. It was Hanji who suggested this method.
> 
> Have any comment, question or suggestion? Drop me a message [here](http://ackermenn.tumblr.com) on my tumblr.  
> Thanks again for reading! :)


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